Hinata and the Seven Ninjas
by Princess Zathura
Summary: Starring the Hyuuga heiress as Snow White! Don't expect any real plot here, people. I'm just winging it! Here comes Hinata's crack-tastic adventure as she has to deal with shirtless guys, useless people, and the authoress' short attention span!
1. Let the Madness BEGIN!

**I got bored during class, and thus, this is what you get.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, nor do I own the general plot to Snow White, although the copyright on that may have run out, I think... The author's lifetime plus seventy years, right? Eh, who cares, let's just get on with this.**

**Warning: This WILL get off topic A LOT **

* * *

Once upon a time, in a far,far, **FAR** away land, deep within the recesses of a few people's twisted imaginations, there lived a beautiful (but just as helpless) heiress to a prominent clan in the village of Konoha. This girl was a shy, graceful byakugan user (the clan's special kekki genkai). The heiress, Hyuuga Hinata _(Snow White)_, went to the academy to train hard, like all of the other ninja children, in hopes of one day becoming a brave and strong ninja, and finally having the courage to ask out her crush, the local dimwit, Uzumaki Naruto.

But Hinata wasn't alone in her endeavors, oh no. There was one other who was vying for her precious Naruto-kun's affections. A dark, wicked boy from Konoha's _other_ prominent clan, Uchiha Sasuke_ (Darth Emo)_.

* * *

**"Hold it!"**

**Huh? *looks around* Who said that?**

**"Down here! On the paper, you idiot!"**

**Huh? *looks down* Holy shiz, my imagination is talking to me! I KNEW I SHOULD'VE GONE EASY ON THE ACID THIS MORNING!**

**"… What are you talking about? It's three in the afternoon."**

**'CAUSE IT'S NINE IN THE AFTERNOOOOOOON AND YOU'RE EYES ARE THE SIZE OF THE MOOOOOON~! YOU COULD 'CAUSE YOU CAN SO YOU DOOOOOOO~~~!**

**"SHUT UP!"**

**o.o … sorry….. So, what can I do for ya, Emo Kid?**

**"Emo?"**

**Nevermind, Ass for brains.**

***growl* "Anyway, I'm not trying for that IDIOT's attention. My goal is to-"**

**Kill your, much better (not to mention hotter) brother, Itachi. Yeah, I know already. But alas for thy woes, I care not. 'Sides, so far, if you haven't noticed, you're the only one objecting.**

**"So?"**

**So, welcome to America. If you want something done or you want change, form a committee, or have people sign a petition or something. 'Till then Uke-Sauce, you gotta listen to me.**

**"And if I don't?"**

**Then I use my mighty power to force you to 'play' with Orochimaru and Madara.**

**"… You wouldn't…"**

And just then, Orochimaru and Madara appeared in Sasuke's room, both n-

**"OH DEAR LORD! I-I mean, just get rid of them. I'll do whatever you say."**

**^.^ Good boy.**

* * *

The Uchiha clan also had a cool ability. They had the plagiarist-I mean Sharingan. With it they could plagiarize- I mean copy techniques with their magical eyes… Not that it really matters in this story, but I just felt the need to mention it.

Uchiha Sasuke was madly in love with Naruto and wanted to keep this adorable knuckle-head all to himself.

**"Hey, do I really have to wear this dress?"**

**Yes. Would you rather not?**

**"Duh."**

**Fine then, give me a minute.**

Anywho, he worked long and hard **_(that's what she said)_** to get Naruto to return his feelings and every morning, he would sit shirtless upon his hard, dusty floor, cold and alone, clad only in his boxers...

**"Are you trying to make the fangirls storm my house?"**

**No, just make them kidnap you, tie you up, lock you in their lair and never let you see the light of day again.**

**"...WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"**

**I'm not very fond of you. Hell, I like Orochimaru AND Kabuto more than I like you.**

"**You sick, sick woman!"**

... While Orochimaru and Kabuto stood behind him, ready to strap him to a table and...

**"I GET THE POINT!"**

**Right-o then. Scratch that last part.**

...and gaze (glare) upon his magic scroll and chant:

**"What?"**

**Psst, you're supposed to chant.**

**"What do you want me to say?"**

**I dunno! Improvise!**

**"Hn."**

And he would chant:

"Oh great spirit of the ancient scroll, who is Naruto's true love, I have to know!"

**That doesn't rhyme.**

**"It's the best I could come up with. Do you think that you can do any better?"**

**Yes, actually, but I'm too lazy.**

And every day, the spirit would appear and tell him,

**"What the- Why am I here!"**

**"You brought in the Hyuuga, really?"**

**Well Snow White doesn't get any loving family, so I obviously wasn't going to put him on Hinata's side. Besides, now I have the two of you in a room, alone, together, shirtless. *snaps a few pics* These are going to worth a fortune on Ebay! YAY FOR FANSERVICE!  
**

**"What's going on?"**

**"Don't try and fight it. Just go along with it and hopefully, things won't get any worse. Trust me."**

**"And why should I trust you, Uchiha?"**

**"Hmph, why should I trust you, Hyuuga?"**

**"I'm not asking you to trust me, I'm asking you to-"**

**Girls, girls, you're both pretty. Now I'm giving you two minutes to sort things out while I go and get some soda. *walks away***

**-insert two minute intermission-**

***comes back with Neji staring up at me intently***

**What?**

**"What do you want me to tell him?"**

**Well you sure are taking this well. Improvise.**

And he would say:

"His beating heart belongs to you, because your friendship with him is true."

**See Sasuke! Neji can do it!**

Then one day, it all changed. As usual, Sasuke woke up early in the morning and pulled out his scroll from under his bed.

"Oh great spirit, gentle as a dove, please tell me, who is Naruto's true love?"

**Nice. I knew you had it in you, Sasu! Though, I have to admit, that was kinda lame.**

**"I'd like to see you do any better!"**

**Lazy~**

The great spirit, Neji, appeared as always, as the sun's rays highlighted him in all his shirtless glory.

**"Why must I be shirtless?"**

**Sasuke is too.**

**"And? I have more dignity than _that._"**

**Deal with it.**

The great spirit responded:

"His heart has found room for another, shall I reveal the name of this other?"

"Tell me who! Who has taken my place in his heart away?"

"The sweet Hinata, in his heart now stays."

These words caused Sasuke to fill with rage and so he called upon the great weapon's mistress, Tenten, to kill Hinata.

"…"

**Ahem.**

***sigh*** "Oh Tenten, come here."

The huntress came post-haste, eager to know why she had been called.

"What do you wa-" *see's Neji shirtless* "-nt?"

"Kill Hinata."

*Drooling*

"Tenten!"

"Huh?"

"The Uchiha said to go kill my cousin."

"Oh, sorry." And away she went. She traveled far to reach the Hyuuga compound and carefully lured Hinata away with a very elaborate and meticulously devised plan.

"Hey, Hinata, wanna train together?"

"O-okay, Tenten-san."

***facepalm***

So Tenten led Hinata deep into the forest.

"Listen, Hinata," she said. "I don't know why, but His Royal Hotn- I mean the Uchiha, wants you dead."

"Oh no!" Hinata cried. Just then, Tenten stepped off to one side. Before them was a long, dark path, into the woods Hinata had to go, but she was frightened by the cawing of a single crow.

* * *

**"Can we stop the rhyme scheme?"**

**Eh, sure. I suck at this anyway.**

**"A-Ano, e-excuse me, m-miss, but do I r-really h-have to go i-in there?"**

**No, if you want, Tenten can just kill you here and save me the writ…ing? Where'd she go?**

**"You scared her."**

**Ah… oh well. We might as well just end this here for now until we find her again... Wave goodbye to the Readers, Tenten, since you're not going to get anymore screentime for a WHILE.**

***sigh* "I'm used to it." *waves* Bye! Be sure to review!  
**


	2. Found Her! OH !

**Oh! Here she is! I've found her!**

So Hinata walked _(sprinted)_ through the woods, alone and afraid. Soon enough, she stumbled upon… The other side of the village. Conveniently, next to the academy. She went in and found seven '_strange_' ninja in the class room.

"Hinata, what's going on here?" Ninja no.1 spoke.

"And what's with the lame narration?" Dog Breath inquired.

"Hey!"

**'Hay' is for horses.**

"K-Kiba-kun, please, don't m-mind her. She's o-only doing her j-job."

"What do you mean her job? Tell me what's going on!"

**Dude, chill. Okay, so, like, a few weeks ago, I got really bored during study hall, since I've only gotten two reviews on my latest chapter of _"What Did I Do To Deserve This"_ and I usually wait until I have at least three before even considering starting to brainstorm for the next chapter (yeah, I'm selfish. I could be worse though. Some people ask for at least five, so I'm being pretty generous here), so I decided I wanted to parody something, but I had already done one with Alice in Wonderland in_ "What Did I Do To Deserve This"_ (which may or may not have a continuation in the next bonus chapter *hinthint*). So I randomly thought of Snow White, since my friends and I were making fun of the Disney movie (did you know that Snow White's technically supposed to be thirteen? THIRTEEN!) and just thinking about Snow White (and how she's one of the most useless princesses out there until Shrek made her awesome via Led Zeppelin music) magically made me think of Hinata, and thus, I used my authoress powers to kidnap you all and shove you into my story. Get it?**

"…No."

**Good.**

So Hinata told her ninja friends, Kiba _(Dog Breath)_, Shino _(Bug Boy)_, Ino _(Miss Piggy)_, Sakura _(Freak With Pink Hair)_, Shikamaru _(Lazy-ass Hippie)_, Choji _(Fluffy)_, and Lee _(OH DEAR GOD GET IT AWAY FROM ME)_, about her plight and they all agreed that she should stay at the academy (the one building in all of Konoha that is a public building that is never locked and has no guards) where she would be safe.

"Yosh! But we ought to ask Iruka-sensei for his permission first!" Lee cried youthfully. The others sweatdropped, but agreed. But, since I'm far too lazy to put Dolphin-Man in this story, they all decided to go to the Hokage for help instead. So using my mystical powers, they're transported into the Hokage's office.

"What the-? How did you all just appear in my office!"

**Don't yell at them, Tsunade. I brought them here.**

"Where is that voice coming from?"

**I'm the authoress!**

"Nani?"

**I am Kami.**

"Eh!"

**Anywho, they got the old lady's- HOLY EFF HOW DID YOU JUST PUNCH THROUGH MY PAPER!**

"THAT WON'T BE THE ONLY THING I PUNCH THROUGH!"

**AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! *runs away***

The group of genin just stared at the massive hole in the fourth wall.

"So… What are we going to do now? I mean the author…"

**AUTHORESS!**

"...just left." Asked Ino.

"How troublesome. We should just end this chapter and wait for her to come back," Shikamaru yawned, stretching his arms.

"Good idea, but how do we do that?"

Hinata raised her hand,

"I-I think we just say bye to the readers…"

*Everyone turns and faces the fourth wall and waves*

"JA NE! WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!"


	3. And I'm back!

***Out of breath* Okay… I'm back… *pantpant* I had to go and get a new notebook since my last one apparently couldn't handle the strain of a full-grown (and overly well endowed) woman coming out of a dimensional rift in my paper! *glares at a **_**certain**_**Fifth Hokage***** Anywho, so **_**Lady Tsunade**_** gives Hinata permission to stay in an empty classroom in the academy and we finally get to leave this wretched woman's office.**

***twitch* "What did you just call me?"**

**Bring it, Granny!**

***attempts to punch through the fourth wall again but fails as her fist collides with something hard* "What the-!"**

**Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I had to close that hole in the fourth wall/space/time continuum with duct tape.**

"… **You stopped me… With tape?"**

**Dude, it's like the force! It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.**

"… **Are you high?"**

**Most likely, seeing as I'm having a conversation with my paper in the middle of study hall and have not caught the attention of about thirty people, including my teacher, whom I'm sure should send me down to the school counselor. Right Mr. G?**

***crickets chirping***

**Well, anyway, ignoring these weirdos, let's finally continue with the story. (Wow, I just had an entire page of random crap… fail?)**

* * *

And thus the group of young ninja returned to the academy where they all chipped in to make Hinata feel as comfortable as possible.

**It is at this point where I feel the need to interrupt the story once more and point out a few plotholes. First of all, why is Hinata staying at the academy?**

**"Shouldn't you know?"**

**Why would I, dog-breath?**

***growl* "You're the narrator!"**

**So? The whole 'staying at the academy' thing was Lee's idea!"**

***groan* "How troublesome. She's staying here because it would look suspicious if we all congregated at one person's house for no particular reason."**

**Well doesn't Sasuke come to school here too? And where's Naruto anyway?**

***eyes rolling* "We're keeping her out of the main part of the school, and as for Naruto *looks around* I'm pretty sure he's out getting ramen."**

**That's nothing new.**

**"…"**

**So, what now?**

"Now the rest of us are going home cause *yawn* it's getting late."

**K then! G'night Shika!**

**"Before I go, could I have my shirt back?"**

**Oh… hehe… I didn't think you'd notice….. KTHXBAI! *poofs away***

***sighs***

"K-Kiba-kun. Do you really think it's okay for me to be here all by myself?" Hinata asked, worried.

"Don't worry. The building is locked at night, so all you have to do is not open the door. Besides we'll be back by morning." Hinata tried to calm herself down as her friends left her behind, and climbed into her makeshift futon on the classroom floor. Just as she had gotten mildly comfortable, a bright flash accompanied by a loud crash resounded outside as a totally not randomly inserted thunder storm rolled in.

**I was wondering where the plot went...**

Hinata pulled a blanket over her head, trying to block out the storm as she shook in fear. Then, there were three loud thumps in the background. Hinata gathered up her courage to investigate.

**"B-but I ddon't want to…"**

**Gathered up her courage to investigate.**

**"F-fine…"**

**Good girl. Do it for Naruto.**

"F-for Naruto…" Hinata muttered, making her way out of the classroom, clutching the blanket tightly around her shoulders. "For Naruto." She heard the thumping once more and her ninja instincts kicked in as she sped toward the noise. Just as she was about to reach where she had heard the sound coming from, she tripped.

**Totally not my fault.**

The thumping continued, from behind her this time, and she hurried to activate her byakugan. She turned quickly to first find what she had tripped on and she gasped at what she saw. Before her stood...

**~Dramatic Pause~**

...Three little kittens. Who were apparently looking for their mittens.

**Haha! You though something exciting was going to happen, didn't you? :D I'm aiming to build up a reputation for pointlessly building up suspense.  
**

**~Scene Transition~**

Back with Saucey Boy and Neji as the stormy night became day.

***CRASH***

A rather stormy day.

Sauce-kay was in the middle of his usual routine. He had just summoned Neji's spirit, and was waiting to hear that once again, he was the apple (or ramen in this case) of Naruto's eye. Well tough cookies, kid.

"True love never dies, in Naruto's heart, Hinata still lies." Neji recited.

**"Let me guess, she's not dead, is she?"**

**You're no fun, Saucey-poo! You're supposed to acted surprised and outraged!**

**"Why? I already knew that Tenten wasn't going to kill her."**

**How did you know!**

**"One, that would be treason, and two, she was too busy staring at Neji's abs to hear a word that either of us said to her."**

**True.**

So Sauce-Uke devised an evil plan to be rid of Hinata, once and for all.

**"Which is?"**

**Think of one Saucey!**

**"That's you're job."**

**Since when!**

**"Since you decided to write this piece of crap excuse for a story!"**

**… That… that hurt… *walks away***

**"Smooth, Sasuke. At this rate it will be our destiny to be trapped in this story forever."**

**"It isn't my fault that the author/narrator is completely incompetent."**

**"Sasuke, you have to be nice to her… Unless you're comfortable in that dress."**

**"Wait, what-!"**

***yells from across the room* Payback's a bitch, ain't it?**

**Neji nodded. "Karma."**

**Sasuke smacked his forehead, "I'm so glad that my clan is dead right now…" *hears a camera click* "What the-!"**

**I'm sending these to Itachi. Not only that, I'm also posting these all around Konoha. Have fun with your everlasting embarrassment, jerkface!**

***starting punching and kicking at the fourth wall* "HELL NO! YOU LOUSEY, PATHETIC WASTE OF HUMAN LIFE, I WILL END YOU!"**

***sigh* "We're going to stop this here while I think of a plan for Sasuke and the Authoress. You will review. It is your destiny." *looks specifically at PhoenixofDarkness62 and RandomDustBunnyzAngel***


	4. Three Little Kittens

**Okay, I'm back. Due to popular demand, I shall torture you no longer-**

"**You're setting us free?"**

**HAHAHAHA! That's a good one Saucey! As if I would ever do that! Ha! Especially since the story isn't anywhere near being done yet! Ha! No, I'm talking to the readers! I'm going to stop torturing them and-**

"**You're going to end this story?"**

***unamused* Hahahaha, no. What I am gonna do is get off my lazy behind and update! :D**

"**Joy."**

**I bet you're so glad that I don't own your show... Oh well, now, PhoenixofDarkness62 will finally get to know what happens to the kittens.**

"**Wait… What kittens?"**

**You'll find out later, but for now, ONTO THE STORY!**

* * *

In the time that we were gone, Saucey-poo finally came up with an ebil idea to be rid of the fair Hinata once and for all!

* * *

"**I did?"**

***glare* Yes. You did. Saucey-poo, it's been a month. What have you been doing?**

"…"

**Well?**

"**He fell down a well after you left. We only recently got him out."**

***blink* … BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! How did he end up in a well of all places! Neji, why didn't you help him?**

***Sasuke mumbles something incoherent***

**What's that?**

"**He was being chased by karma wasp."**

**Daaaaaang, you must've messed up pretty bad to be chased by karma wasp! How many karma bees did you kill? Or is it for hurting my feelings? Well it serves you right anyway. Did it sting him?**

***silence***

**C'mon Saucey-poo, show me your battle scars.**

"**He can't. It stung his ass."**

… **I can't even describe in words how funny that is…. **

"**Can we just get on with the damn story and stop worrying about my butt? I mean, don't you have kittens to go and attend to?"**

**Oh! That's right! Back to the story!**__

* * *

It stormed all day and all night, meaning that Hinata's friends could not visit as they had planned. Poor Hinata was left all alone, hiding under a pile of blankets with the three kittens. After the storm was over, she promised them that she and her friends would help them look for their mittens.

The storm raged on and the kittens told Hinata that they had to go home because it was almost supper time and their mama was probably worried sick about them. Of course, Hinata, being her kind-hearted self, could not allow the poor, defenseless kittens to go out into the storm all alone and decided to accompany them to their home. Hinata gathered her courage once more and with the kittens tucked safely in her pockets, she headed out into the storm.

Hinata had walked about three blocks before realizing that she had absolutely no idea where she was going or why she was taking directions from a bunch of talking kittens but figured that it really didn't matter because what she was doing was good and right and Narutoverse logic was on her side.

So with the kittens urging her on, she continued to walk blindly into the storm. Eventually, she found her way to an unfamiliar area of the village. Blinded by the pouring rain, she began to follow the magical aroma of ramen in the air.

_Ramen… _She thought, _That's Naruto's favorite food… _She followed the scent to a rather cozy house far from the main part of the village, that seemed to be the only inhabited building in the area.

"I-is this where your mother lives?" She asked the kittens. They all mewed in confirmation. Although inviting, Hinata was still wary of the strange house before her, as a ninja should. Well, that is until a particularly loud crash of thunder. Then she ran inside, wasting absolutely no time in finding a table to hide under.

"Well that worked out well… I think." Sasuke said, looking down at the shivering heiress beneath his kitchen table.

"I'd say so." Neji responded, finishing the ramen. "Dinner's ready."

"MOMMEH!" The kittens squealed, jumping from Hinata's jacket onto Sasuke's dress.

"Hinata, get out from under the table. You are the heir to our clan, do not act like a disgrace."

"N-Nejjjjji?" Hinata asked, crawling out from beneath the table only to behold her cousin in a French maid's uniform. "… What are you wearing?"

**Oooh! No stuttering!**

Neji gritted his teeth,

"Please, don't ask. I have yet to understand the inner workings of the authoress' brain."

**And you never will.**

"But you're wearing a dress…"

"I know that. If it helps you any, so is Sasuke."

"Are those fishnets?"

"Yes."

"And heels?"

"Yes?"

"And are your nails painted too?" Neji snapped,

"Hinata, SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR STUPID RAMEN!" Hinata sat down,

"Yes cousin!" Sasuke handed her a bowl of ramen before setting out three more. He and Neji sat down on either side of the heiress and the kittens jumped onto the table and began lapping at the ramen.

"Itadakimasu!" The three humans chanted before digging into their meal. Some few minutes later, a loud 'thud' was heard and went ignored by the others at the table. When all of the ramen was finished and the bowls were put away, Neji removed his cousin's body from the table and proceeded to take her back to the academy. Meanwhile, Sasuke looked over at the three kittens who were washing their faces and asked,

"Where are your mittens?"

* * *

**DUN! DUN! DUNNNNNNN! Poor kittens.**

**REVIEW!**


	5. The End

***is currently glaring daggers into Sasuke's skull* Saucey-poo, if you lay one hand on those ****poor****, ****innocent****, ****adorable****, little kittens, I swear I'll ****shove**** you down a well again and this time it'll be so deep that even, Lassie won't be able to help you, little Timmy!**

***Sasuke glares back at me* "First of all, they are ****my**** kittens and I shall do with them as I please, and second, 'Little Timmy'?" *he raises an eyebrow***

***Neji raises an eyebrow as well* " 'Lassie'?"**

**Those are my new nicknames for you two. Apparently a dear friend of mine can't take Little Timmy here seriously at all whenever I call him Saucey-poo, so in order to let him hold on to whatever little shred of dignity he has left while wearing that dress, I've decided to address him as something else. Lassie just matches. Besides, don't you know that when Little Timmy falls down a well, it's all up to Lassie to save the day!**

***Neji's eyebrow twitches* "… Lassie… As in 'l**_**ass**_**'… as in a ****girl****."**

**As in I, honest to God, believed that you were a chick when I first saw you, dude. Deal with it. *wiggles fingers* It is your destiny to just accept it… Also to let me braid your hair. It looks so soft and silky… *swoons***

"**Excuse me?"**

**Oops, sorry Lassie. I kinda went on a bit of a tangent there, but anyway, how's your new 'uniform'?**

"**I was just about to bring that up, actually. I don't see why it is necessary that I-"**

**Wait, you don't even need to finish. You gotta wear it cuz you're currently acting as Little Timmy's servant and I kinda '**_**lost'**_** the butler uniform.**

***Sauke rolls his eyes* "**_**Lost**_** it? You ****lost**** it? Pfft! More like you ****burned**** it last Tuesday!"**

***Flames leap from Neji's eyes as they narrow out of pure rage* "You did what now?"**

***Throws water on Neji's face* Now, now, Neji-kun. If it helps your self image any, I have to admit, that dress is rather… flattering… on you.**

***Neji activates his flame eyes again***

***Little Timmy smirks* "I'd say that that didn't help him any, or at all."**

**Oh shush, Timmy. Go fall down a well. *throws more water on Neji* And as for you, will you stop with the fire before you burn a hole in my notebook? I need this if I'm ever going to finish this story and get you guys back to your regular ninja activities!**

***both Sasuke and Neji pause***

"**So you're saying that if we're good, we get to go free?"**

**Well DUH. That'd be the point of finishing the story! Well, that and having the satisfaction that I made both of your lives as miserable as possible.**

***both Neji and Sasuke sit down, fold their hands in their laps, and magically have halos floating above their heads* "Please continue."**

***insert eyes rolling* Yeah, yeah. Now that I have my two written pages of rand out of the way, I guess that we can finally get on with the story. But first, I'm confiscating those kittens.**

***Sasuke scoffs* "Keep'em! I worked my fingers to the bones trying to knit those mittens for them! What how do they repay me? They lose them! What ungrateful little brats!"**

***stares***

"**What?"**

… **You knit?**

"**YES. What exactly were you expecting me to do while I was busy waiting for you to give me and Neji some screen time?"**

***shrug* Well I dunno, I was thinking you two would train or something, but I guess I was wrong… Um.. Well, I guess it was very nice of you to knit them mittens then… I'll let you have some time to say goodbye… And um… yeah….. On with the story.

* * *

**

The next day, everything was wonderful. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the evil old hag of a Hokage, Tsunade, had a raging hangover, and all was right with the world… Except one thing. Seven little ninjas down at the academy were crying. They had come to their school that morning, in high hopes of seeing their friend again, with their arms heavy with lame apology gifts, as well as a few prerehearsed apologies in their heads, but when they had arrived, they found the still body of the fair heiress, lying in a wet, limp heap by the doorway. She wasn't breathing. Poor Hinata was dead. Very, very dead. She had passed away, she had moved on, she was deceased, she had gone to meet her maker, all in all, she was now an ex-person. And she wasn't coming back. Ever. Nothing could possibly bring her back from the dead. Not even Kabuto's magical 'bringing people back to life' jutsu. Nope. She was dead. She was no longer living. She was-

"All right! All right! We get it already! Someone go and get Naruto so we can get this over with!" Shikamaru yelled. Immediately, Sakura, Lee, and Ino rushed off towards the nearest ramen stand to go and find our prince for this story.

"Shino, go and get Kurenai-sensei." Said bug-boy mutely nodded and jumped off.

"What's Kurenai-sensei going to do?" questioned Kiba.

Revive Hinata after she has a heart attack from locking lips with Naruto. Duh.

"WHAT! THAT IDIOT'S GOING TO TO KISS HER!"

"Well, yeah. That's how the story goes."

"What?"

"How troublesome. I'll let the authoress explain."

Right. So in Snow White, after being poisoned, the only way to be revived is true love's first kiss.

"Wait… so she's not dead?"

Nope, not really.

"But you said-"

She's not dead.

"Fine! But why Naruto?" Kiba whined.

Isn't it obvious? She loves him! Besides, it's better than in the real story when Snow White is kissed by a some random stranger that thought she was pretty and wanted to get in her pants, fooling her into a false sense of security and so she goes off and marries him. Have you noticed that there is no mention of what happened to her afterward besides the usually added "and they all lived happily ever after" crap? I mean seriously, she ditched her friends who took care of her for some guy she had never met! But anyway, that's not the point.

Kiba gives a low growl, "There's no way in hell I'm letting him kiss her!"

Yo, back it off, dog-boy. *shoves him down a well* Oh, and speaking of Naruto…

The ninjas who had gone to retrieve our fair prince returned, as did Shino with his mentor.

"Why am I here?" Kurenai asks.

I already explained that. Just stand there and look pretty for a bit. Naru-kun, assume the romantic position!

"What?"

"You need to kiss Hinata."

"Huh? I only came because Sakura-chan said that there was free ramen!"

*groan* Do this for me, and I'll make Neji and Sasuke make you as much ramen as you can eat for an entire week.

"Hm… really?"

I'll throw in Kakashi too. And they'll all be in dresses!

*jumps around* "YOU HAD ME AT FREE RAMEN!"

Yay! Okay! Lights! Camera! Action! NO! Wait! Cut! Maruto, cradle Hinata lovingly! Lee! Go and find Gai-sensei! I need you two to create your little sunset background! Ino! I need flowers! Lots and lots of flowers! Sakura! Go and help Ino! Choji! Go and get a camera! Shino, Shikamaru! … Please go and get Kiba out of that well I threw him in and tie him to a chair or something.

*everyone leaves*

… So… How's Asuma doing, Kurenai?

"Well, he's not dead yet, so I'd say pretty good."

Yeah… Well, that's good… um… Wow… that must've been one deep well…. Uh, Kurenai, could you please give 'em a hand?

*nod*

Well I guess it's intermissino time… Since I'm just pretty much stalling at this point, I guess I might as well go visit Lassie.

*walks away*

HI TIMMY!

*Sasuke pulls out all of his ninja doo-hickeys and glares at me*

"Who are you?"

The authoress. I decided to write myself into the story so I could hand deliver this bit of news to you.

"News?"

This will be the final chapter of Hinata and the Seven Ninjas.

Sasuke stares at me for a long time before running off. All I can hear are his cries and screams of what I can only interpret to be sadness and disappointment. Poor kid, I must've broken the poor emo kid's heart… He comes back, an obviously fake grin plastered onto his face.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Wonderful, even! I think it's time for you to be getting back to the others now, can't keep the readers in suspense for too long!"

Yeah, but before I go, I wanted to see Lassie and check up on the kittens.

Sasuke's face fell and I twitched.

Where are the kittens?

He acts apathetic. I shove him down a well. He falls and grabs onto Kiba who was being helped out of the well by the two members of team eight, causing Kiba to let go and fall back into the well, landing in Little Timmy's lap.

THAT OUGHTA SHOW YOU! Humph! Shino, Kurenai, forget about those two. We've got more important things to do! We need to find the kittens and their mittens!

"…"

"And why are we doing this?"

Because Hinata promised she'd find their mittens.

"Where do kittens come into this again?"

Wherever I want them to! Now scoot! *they jump away*

*looks down at Sasuke and Kiba*

Saucey-poo, pull down your dress. Your Uchiha man-panties are showing.

*Kiba cracks up*

I wouldn't be laughing if I were you. From his angle it looks as if you're enjoying being in Saucey-poo's lap.

*Kiba's eyes widen as he gets off of the Uchiha*

"Why you sick bitch!"

*turns Kiba into a girl* Look who's talking.

*Kiba growls up at me but then suddenly doubles over in pain.

"What the-"

Ooh, looks like Mother Nature has come to deliver your gift. Enjoy~ *leaves*

Hmm…. Since Tsunade's too scary to bug right now and Shizune's automatically off limits, there really isn't much left to do here at the moment until the other return… Oh! I know! I'll go and annoying Kakashi! *ninja poofs into his apartment*

"Who are you and what are you doing here?"

Annoying you.

"Excuse me, but do I even know you?"

No, but I just thought you might like to be informed that I've kidnapped all of the genin in Konoha for my own entertainment.

"…Okay?"

Also, Sasuke is currently down a well and he can't climb back up because the walls are too slippery and he doesn't know how to latch on with his chakra yet.

*Kakashi sighs* "So you want me to go and get him out before he drowns, I assume?"

Well, I kinda don't want him to die yet… I mean, especially since that dress he's in doesn't allow him to float very well.

*Kakashi raises an eyebrow* "Dress?"

'My own entertainment'. Speaking of which, *puts Kakashi in a cocktail dress and watches his eye twitch*

:D

*notebook splits in half and an arm attactched to a very pissed off jounin wraps around my neck*

HOLY- *is knocked unconscious*

* * *

_**Fifteen minutes later…**_

*wakes up* What the… *is surrounded by several mildly pissed off ninja* … Hi?

"Let's just get this over with!"

Where are the kittens?

*Kittens are dropped into my lap* Yay! *huggles*

*recives several glares*

Okay, okay. *sniff* Let's end this… Background?

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

*insert sparkly sunset background*

Characters?

*Naruto and Hinata appear on set*

Flowers?

"Here!"

Doves?

"… You never asked for those."

Well I am now.

*Kakashi does chidori but instead of lightning he gets real birds to come out.*

… Well that's convenient. Okay then, let's do this Naru!

*He bends down and gently touches Hinata's lips to his own. The ninja choir begins to sing, the doves fly, and flower petals are strewn across the scene majestically, just as Hinata opens her eyes. As she does, her face goes redder than a tomato and she squeals and faints once more.*

Well, we all knew that was gonna happen.

"Uh-huh."

*tosses water on her and the magical-ness disappears*

Kiba returns to normal.

*waves* I guess it's time for me to leave now. Goodbye. *takes kittens and leaves*

* * *

All was peaceful in Konoha, at least until Neji arrived at the scene. As much as he wanted to beat Naruto to a bloody pulp, he found that he could not. A bit of the authoress' magic remained. Neji, Sasuke, and Kakashi still had to serve Naruto ramen in their dresses for a week.

And that's the end of the story. They all lived happily ever after, except for Neji, Kakashi, and Sasuke. After Naruto finished his last bowl of ramen though, and the spell on them was broken, they beat the crap out of him. Then they lived happily ever after.

*Closes notebook and looks over at the kittens* Oh yay! You've found your mittens!

THE END


End file.
